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The W3D Joke Thread


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RULES

  1. TEXT ONLY - refrain from images unless the text is in an image macro that matches appropriately. yes i know that joke is bad
  2. NO LINKS - copy-paste the jokes here, or type them.
  3. NO HARASSING - the occasional joke is cool but ganging up isn't.
  4. OFFENSIVE JOKES - USE YOUR DISCRETION WHEN POSTING. if you find a joke 100% inappropriate for this forum REPORT It.
  5. USE SPOILER TAGS FOR JOKE EXPLANATIONS
  6. posts here may be removed without warning

advisory rule, try and post jokes with a short lead-up and a punchline. story jokes are OK but keep 'em short.

 

with that out of the way LET THE JOKING BEGIN

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So this guy's in his senior year and he asks his friend to go with him to the Formal. She says yes, and he's bursting with joy. The next day he heads to the tailors for a nice suit, and of course - this being the day before the formal - all his classmates are there and he has to wait in line for a few hours. He doesn't care though - he's still super happy. Next he goes to get some lunch, because by now it's midday, but of course it's peak hour at the shops and he was to wait in line for another few hours to order. After he finishes it's the afternoon, so he heads to the florist for a corsage. He has this great yellow one in his mind, made of imported Dutch tulips, and can't wait to see it. He has to wait in another line for a few more hours - someone was buying thousands of roses for a wedding. He still doesn't care though, he's just so excited to be going out with his friend.

On the way home there's a huge line of traffic but he's just daydreaming the time away. Come the next night and he's back in traffic, he picks her up and they arrive at the venue - after sitting though a long line of cars - only to be queued up at the ticket checking line. They get in on time though, and meet up with their friends - who all agree the corsage he bought was beautiful. After lining up for some photos, they sit down to talk. He's still gushing to be with her, so he enthusiastically asks "can I get you anything?", she's smiling away and just says, "a drink would be greats, thanks"

So he gets up and almost skips to the bar where they had the punch and, surprisingly...

 

 

there was no punchline

 

 

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A magician did a show on a cruise ship every Thursday for the passengers. Unfortunately, his show started losing popularity because the captain's parrot knew the show inside and out and would constantly spoil it. (He put it in his sock! BRAAAWK!! It's in his hat! BRAAAWK!!) The magician absolutely hated this bird, and one day he got so mad that he pulled out a handgun and shot at it. The parrot ducked, the bullet hit a propane tank, and the ship exploded, killing everyone on board except for the parrot and the magician. After three days of floating on a piece of driftwood, the parrot finally says...

 

 

"Alright, I give up. Where's the damn ship?"

 

 

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Two western cowboys are talking in the bar.

 

-Hey, do do you see that dude over there?

The first cowboy asks pointing at the bar.

-Where exactly?

The second cowboy is wondering.

 

-He's the one sitting near the bar!

-But there is like a dozen of guys sitting there...?

 

-The one with a big hat!

-But all of them have big hats...?

 

-You see, he wears blue jeans and a shirt!

-But if I'm not mistaken, most of them wear same jeans and shirts...?

 

-He has those big brown boots on!

-But I can see at least six of them with similar boots...?

 

-Look now! It's that guy with a drink in his hand!

-But now all of them are drinking...?

 

The first cowboy gets pissed, so he pulls his guns and starts shooting everyone sitting near the bar. Only one guy is still alive, freaked out, while all others are laying on the floor.

 

-Now, do you see him?!

Asks the first cowboy.

 

-Yes, I can see him, so what about him?

Wonders the second one.

 

The first cowboy replies angrily:

 

 

-Dude, I hate that guy so much, I would shoot his face off if I could!

 

It's actually the first story joke I ever learned. :-D

 

 

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I've got 2 for you guys.

 


There are 10 types of people in the world.

 

Those who know binary and those who don't.

 

 

 


A lady walks into Harrods London. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a Salesman standing right behind her – Good looking as well.
Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.
He politely greets the lady with, ‘Good day, Madam. How may we help You today?
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little ‘incident’, she asks, ‘what is the price of this Lovely bracelet?’
He answers, “Madam – if you farted just looking at it – you’re going to sh*t yourself when I tell you the price!”

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I graduated 7 years of college as an honors student, paintball president, and honors society president with 3 bachelors degrees.

 

 

 

I work two minimum wage jobs for $8.38 an hour.

 

 

 

You said 'joke.'

Brilliant!!

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Never attempt bank robbery if you are dyslexic.

Airs in the hand mother stickers! This is a .....! WAIT Wait wait........Can we try that again? :D

 

Also, did any of you hear about the dyslexic agnostic who kept himself awake all night pondering the concept of doG..?

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