Games Save Me

[Einstein]

Here we go again! Another forum game!

 

This game works similar to Corrupt A Wish, yet opposite or inversed. How does that work? Well its simple!

 

1. Someone posts a description of a situation in which they are in peril and will most certainly lose their life if there is no intervention.

2. The next poster comes up with a creative way (McGyver, Superheroes, The A-Team, whatever floats your boat) in which the previous poster will not lose their life. They then post a description of their own perilous situation.

3. Go back to step 2.

 

Please keep this civil and follow all forum rules at all times. Some discussion is allowed but don't derail this please.

 

 

I'll begin:

 

I am hiking alone in the forrest and am attacked by a pack of wolves. I have no weapon, save a hunting knife. No one knows my location.

[AZ-Stalker]

A plane crashes right on top of the wolf pack, instantly killing both them and everyone on board. You can put down the knife.

I'm falling off a high cliff... I have no shoes and my only equipment is a sandwich and bottle of water. Everything else got left up on the cliff.

[Nodlied]

A mattress delivery truck accidently loses one of its mattresses. You fall on the mattress and survive.

 

I lost a mattress on my way to a client. My boss is going to kill me over this. Halp.

[GeneralCamo]

Turns out the Mattress was actually an EXPLOSIVE device, revealed when it EXPLODES right when AZ-Stalker hits it. Everyone hails you as a Hero for saving lives, and your boss gives you the rest of the day off, paid.

 

But now the explosion caused a fire in the forest, and my house is near it....

[Einstein]

Wait wait wait....you totally broke everything there GC

 

A flash-flood puts the fire out just as it gets to your house and you are spared.

 

I was swimming in a river nearby and after the flood, I am being swept away!

 

P.S. I did not intend for this to become a story in which all posts are related, but its cool if we continue this. I kinda like it

[Isaac The Madd]

It starts to rain rather hard putting out the fire.

 

Now people are drowning because of a flood.

[GeneralCamo]

The German Battleship Tirpitz has time traveled from WWII to save the drowning people!

 

But now it threatens to bombard British Cities because it thinks the war is still going on!

[ChopBam]

A Japanese parasailer and his wife by chance happen to land on the ship at the last minute, and upon seeing the era of the ship and its target, inform the captain in broken English that the war is over.

 

The crew, however, see that the Japanese man's wife is Jewish Japanese and take her prisoner, intending to bring her to Auschwitz, where she will certainly perish.

Edited September 10, 2015 by ChopBam

[GeneralCamo]

It is unfortunate that Auschwitz is a museum now. No harm came to her at all.

 

But the FBI notice that I was involved in teleporting these guys to our time, and now have snipers to shoot into my window at any time. Please help.

[Killing_You]

One by one, I take out these snipers, then write a blood message ordering the FBI to clear your name, or else the gates of Hell will open in their office and drag them down. They rule it a supernatural occurrence and leave you alone.

 

This gets the attention of a Predator, which tracks me down, and has locked onto me with his plasma caster.

[Einstein]

KGB operatives whoosh in and Tesla cannon the Predator to death and then whisk you away back to the motherland.....well as quickly as a Kirov can whisk They want more info on how you warded off the Capitalist FBI...

 

As a refugee aboard the Tirpitz, I am wandering the halls when i pass an open bulkhead and accidentally overhear a plot for a coup against the captain of the vessel! They pull me inside their living quarters and bind and gag me. They tell me that I'll be the first overboard if I make any noise! But I have a cold and am sneezing every 5 minutes and am therefore doomed.

[Voe]

Emergency Hitler descends from the Swastika Banner overhead and feeds you National-Socialist Homeopathics, instantly curing your cold.

 

Meanwhile, shark just bit my leg off. I'm bleeding out in the middle of the pacific. Halp.

[GeneralCamo]

This destroyer finds you as it is on a quest to hunt and sink the Tirpitz before it attempts anything else rash.

 

However, I am now in Prison as I was kidnapped by Brazilian Ninjas and whisked into a secret base.

[delta]

You are merely imprisoned in a secret Brazilian ninja base, and your life is not in danger.

 

 

I happen to be walking down the street, when all the sudden a plane with Harrison Ford at the controls is coming right at me for a crash landing!

[GeneralCamo]

It's Harrison Ford as INDIANA JONES however, and he miraculously saves the day as he professionally flies the plane to NOT crash land at you!

 

The Brazilian ninjas are now threatening to kill me if I do not tell them where my family lives. They will probably kill them too.

[AndrewGOLD]

The Brazilian ninjas are going to execute you outside their base, but because Harrison Ford couldn't control the plane anymore he is crash landing and kills all the ninjas and saves your family's and your life.

Because I was in charge of Harrison's plane, FBI sentenced me to death. I try to leave the country, but FBI finds me and now one agent is shooting at me.

Edited September 11, 2015 by AndrewGOLD

[Einstein]

On 9/10/2015 at 9:48 PM, Voe said:

Meanwhile, shark just bit my leg off. I'm bleeding out in the middle of the pacific. Halp.

 

On 9/11/2015 at 2:24 AM, AndrewGOLD said:

I try to leave the country, but FBI finds me and now one agent is shooting at me.

 

A one-legged Voe has saved himself (since you all forgot about him! ) and from the water, he spots AndrewGOLD on the shore attempting his border crossing. In an attempt to re-balance the universe and rectify our story, he wrangles a couple sharks and rides them water-ski style onto the shore where he allows them to feast on the attacking FBI agents. Voe then joins forces with Andrew and they hobble across the border together.

 

I am now a prisoner aboard GC's destroyer because Hydra has emerged. Halp.

[DoMiNaNt_HuNtEr]

GC says and does:

This destroyer finds you as it is on a quest to hunt and sink the Tirpitz before it attempts anything else rash.

 

 

 

@Einstien: General Cameo didn' forgot about Voe. No one forgets a face like that! The guy with a PZM degree and his boat & crew had saved Voe, but somehow the crew aboard the boat did so without getting Voe a new leg, so he is one legged (for now).

 

 

Yes, Hydra is a mighty beast.

 

The Hydra ravages the hull of GC's cruiser relentlessly, tearing chunks out. The Hydra destroys the destroyer, but most of it's crew manages to escape by life rafts, including Einstien. Einstien reaches the shore, gets out of the raft, and was about to be shot in the head by a CIA agent when I appeared and shoved the pole end of a stop sign so far up the agent's ass, the pole end stuck out his mouth, the sign part resting out of his ass. I flipped him upside down and planted a brand new stop sign complete with a cool decoration onto the shore.

 

Now I am about to do the same to Einstien unless he gives me some cocaine. Save me, I am out of drugs.

Edited September 12, 2015 by DoMiNaNt_HuNtEr

[delta]

I show up with some extra drugs (no idea how I came to be in possession of them) and give them to Mackintoke.

 

 

I am now however, reading a forum post with numerous mispellings of someone's username, and due to my nitpickiness about such things, am about to have a heart attack.

Edited September 12, 2015 by delta

[Killing_You]

I can't save you from the heart attack, so you die. However, my antics from before inadvertly gained me the affection of Death herself, and so I ask her to bring you back. I'm a nice guy.

 

Unfortunately, Thanks has a crush on Death, and he just so happened to get the final Infinity Gem before turning his attention towards me. He's pissed, she can't help, and I need new pants.

[DoMiNaNt_HuNtEr]

@delta: "I" before "E" except after "C". Except for Eintein... lucky bastard gets to disobey some gay rule. I'm sorry for giving you a heart attack, delta.

 

@Killing_You: I briefly ascend to 5th density and am able to control matter and energy such that, I fucking butcher this "Thanks" fellow, tearing chunks out of his body, ripping limbs off, crushing his face in. His soul is released from his body in a state of primal fear. I absorb the helpless, amnesiac soul into mine own spirit. I then take off my pants and give them to Killing You. Check the pockets, bro, some good yeyo for you tah flow!

 

Lady Death is now staring at my junk. She gives me a blow job, but when I finish, she ends up biting my cock off. Help me, I need a healing chamber to regrow severed limbs and appendages.

Edited September 12, 2015 by DoMiNaNt_HuNtEr

[AndrewGOLD]

After 3 years I return to the country and I see poor Mackintoke. Thanks to Voe I managed to steal a healing chamber from the FBI agents that wanted to kill me and i bring it to Mac.

While I am helping Mac I see Lady Death coming straight to us and in 1 second she stabs me with her spiked fingers. Help, I lose too much blood!

[DoMiNaNt_HuNtEr]

User was warned for: Excessive explicit content

 

God damn, what is with you guys and the FBI? The CIA instigate alot more than FBI.

 

Anyways, not to worry Sir golden boy! Thanks to the healing chamber (Pleiades tech) my dick is back! I feel much more confident about myself, and am able to tackle life's problems head on! Like a bull would to his prey...

 

I end up getting Mr. Death to get back together with Lady Death. Now that the yin and the yang of death have reunited, a still calmness pervades the cosmos! This new found peace inspires God himself to shed a tear of happiness, and that giant tear drop splashes onto AndrewGOLD, replenishing Andrew's blood, and healing his wound(s).

 

But, I had a little too much cocaine and LSD. When I saw God crying like a bitch, I thought he was Satan laughing like a pimp. God and Satan both look similar, and why would God shed a tear of joy for Mr & Mrs. Death? Thats something Satan would do! And Satan has owed me fifty bucks for a long, long time.

 

Satan had got really drunk at my bar one night. If he had tried to drive home by himself, he would have either been arrested by the Irish poker champs, or would have had a fatal car crash! So, being the nice guy I naturally am, I called and paid for a speedy cab to get Satan back home safely.

 

THAT WAS FOUR YEARS AGO, and that greedy bastard has yet to pay me back! Plus he still owes me a hefty bar tab. BASTARD!

 

There was this one time I thought he was going to be true to his word and pay me back. But It turns out he paid me back in mortgages. I have little to no interest in ponzi schemes...

 

So, I cut off God's head, thinking it was Satan's. I ripped his eyes out from their sockets. Then I jammed my new and improved cock through the left eye hole, and skull fucked the bajeezus out of this alien bastard - for you see, most "Gods" and "Satans" are actually from a another planet... the christian god, the muslim god, the jewish god, the god named baphomet, those fucken roman gods and shit? Or the greek assholes? - ALL "gods", "recorded", in earth "history", are basically slave drivers from different planets. They invaded us while we were primates, wanting our gold, but they were too lazy to mine it themselves. So they genetically modified us primates to dig up the gold for them. They "enhanced" us, to be just smart enough to be able to work the machinery, but very, very, VERY dumb enough to be oblivious to what is actually going on. Not much has changed since those 7 billion years ago...

 

Anyways, the people of earth need a new God to save them from Satan's ponzi schemes. Oh, won't someone save these lost souls!? They need a new hero! Won't someone answer the call?

[Einstein]

@Mak - too much bro. Take it down a notch. Lets keep things a little nicer in here please and thank you.

[Killing_You]

That hero shall be me! As it turns out, I am an alien, and I can fly,shoot lasers from my eyes, freeze with my breath, and I'm very strong. I drive off the evildoers and save the day!

 

Unfortunately, some buildings got knocked over and everyone blames me for some reason. And now Ben Affleck has a robot suit and wants to 1v1 me IRL...

[AndrewGOLD]

Meanwhile, in a forest nearby, one old fag is chasing a deer. That deer wakes up a tiberium war hog that likes to eat metal. It spottes the robot suit and eats it with one bite. The robot explodes in hog's belly and kills it.

After saving Mac I return to the city where I was born trying to escape from CIA this time ( now I am a more important target), but there the hog died and made a chemical cloud that can kill everyone in the city. Help, I need an anti-tiberium suit, otherwise I'll transform in a visceroid!!!

Edited September 14, 2015 by AndrewGOLD

[DoMiNaNt_HuNtEr]

@Einstein: ROFL. Hey, I'm just getting God back for all that bubonic plague shit. I mean, what the hell was that? And dumping all those frogs and killing the first born children of Egypt or some lame stuff? All a bunch of dick moves.

 

@AndrewGOLD: The new guardian of the planet, the extra terrestrial Killing You, despite his name, is actually a really nice guy. Since the man in the robot suit is not harassing him anymore, he is free to help people, especially you! Lacking any tiberium suits, he simply puts everyone in buses (including you), then flies off with the buses out of reach of the tiberium gas clouds.

 

But the new god is still being harassed by local petty folk, simpletons if you will. They start throwing Molotov cocktails at Super Killing You Man. I put on some spiked knuckles and try to beat down a few of the rioters, but theres too many of them, and Killing You is just floating in the air, not doing anything, letting bottles filled with flame smash onto his body, broken bits of glass sparkling everywhere, flames engulfing him. He looks pretty cool like that, just floating there. I think hes meditating or something?

 

The mob is attacking me and Super Killing You Man. Someone save me and someone snap Killing You out of his trance!

Edited September 14, 2015 by DoMiNaNt_HuNtEr

[AndrewGOLD]

While me and my friends watch plantporn we see some explosions on the window. We go to check it out and we see you and Super Killing You Man. We manage to save you by smashing the riot with an APC, but we could not wake up the god, but just in time an Ion storm starts because of the tiberium cloud and a lightning hits Killing You and he returns to our world.

Being forgot by CIA, a clan that was born from the rests of the Brazilian ninjas wants to avenge their friends that died in the plane crash ordered by me. I managed to run to Russia, but they still followed me. Help, I only have one spoon and they threaten me with a duck foot!!!

Edited September 16, 2015 by AndrewGOLD

[Einstein]

On 9/16/2015 at 9:20 AM, AndrewGOLD said:

I managed to run to Russia.

He ran. All the way to Russia.

[AndrewGOLD]

Yea well, I live in Romania. It's like a marathon. I let my imagination spread in this forum. YES, a part of this story happens in my STUPID country too!

 

I return to the city where I was born.

 

 

Edited September 16, 2015 by AndrewGOLD